{"alias":"newsItem","byline":"Words: Jacqueline Landey | Pictures: 9th North Leeds Scout Group","standfirst":"Boys have traditionally been discouraged from showing their feelings, with often damaging results. So an unusual Scout Group \u2013 all boys \u2013 broke with convention to help promote wellbeing in their community.","content":{"layouts":[{"type":"mediaBlock","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"gridImageBlock","gtmId":"gtmId","gtmClass":"gtmClass","image":"/media/1971/scout_30-270918-dc12018-min-min-1.jpg","width":5504,"height":8256,"altText":"","caption":"","link":null}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cbr /\u003EThe Scouts is an inclusive movement of young people, proudly open to all \u2013 boys, girls, LGBTQ\u002B young people, everyone. 9th North Leeds Scout Group is therefore a rarity: a Group made up entirely of boys. And so, when they took on the challenge to explore mental wellbeing for A Million Hands, the mental wellbeing of boys naturally came into focus. As it turns out, they\u2019re not the only ones tackling the topic.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETo illustrate a petition sent to their local MP, the boys drew two things: what makes them feel happy and what makes them feel sad. One drew a picture of a figure crooked with anxiety; another a little boy scoring a goal with glee; one scribbled \u2018when my dog died I felt like the world was empty\u2019. Paging through the pictures, the message behind the petition shines bright \u2013 in short: the way people feel matters.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESigned by 72 Scouts plus 62 members of their community, the petition asked their MP what steps are being taken to ensure the equity of access to treatment of physical and mental health services in England \u2013 and to reduce the incidence of suicide.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EReflecting on a few things that had happened in their community, choosing mental health as their social impact issue seemed like an appropriate choice. When the Group took on the challenge in late 2015, Assistant Scout Leader David Donaldson says they began very simply. Sometimes it was just a case of recognising that we all have feelings, and then working through the resources developed by mental health charity MIND to explore mental wellbeing \u2013 \u2018essentially, what makes us feel happy and what makes us feel sad,\u2019 he says \u2013 and how with self-awareness we can help manage and strengthen our mental resilience, just as we learn to look after our physical health.\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""},{"quoteText":"It\u2019s OK to talk about this stuff. When I was a Cub, 60 years ago, no, you didn\u2019t talk about your feelings.","attribution":"David Donaldson, Assistant Scout Leader","gridType":"quote","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cbr\u003EIn the leafy suburb where the Group is based, Assistant Scout Leader Andy Smith reflects on the impact of the challenge: \u2018I\u2019ve been thinking about it recently \u2013 what has it done? Has it changed anything? And I don\u2019t know. There was an openness from the young people, but maybe it\u2019s made us spot that they are more open to saying, \u201CI\u2019m a bit scared of that\u201D, on camp or something. They\u2019ll be honest about it. Whereas maybe our generation were more\u2026\u2019 he whispers: \u2018\u201COh no, I can\u2019t tell anyone about that\u2026 just get on with it.\u201D But whether that\u2019s changed or that\u2019s us noticing it through the mental health activities we\u2019ve done with them, I\u2019m not 100% sure.\u2019\u003Cbr\u003E\u003Cbr\u003E\u2018I\u2019d agree with that,\u2019 says David, \u2018it could be the leaders as much as the lads. That it\u2019s OK to talk about this stuff. When I was a Cub, 60 years ago, no, you didn\u2019t talk about your feelings. It was \u201Csoft\u201D, it was inappropriate.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4 style=\u0022cursor: text; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none;\u0022\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EA silent suppression\u003C/strong\u003E\u003C/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWith young men more likely to die by suicide than by any other cause of death, the question of how to support men\u2019s mental health has gained traction in recent years. The reasons behind the high incidence of male suicide are highly complex, but studies show contributing factors include relationship breakdown, unemployment, bereavement and mental health problems. Dr Ben Hine \u2013 senior lecturer in psychology at the University of West London and co-founder of the Men and Boys Coalition \u2013 says \u2018there are multiple risk factors at play. Our understanding of the relationship between sex, gender and suicide is still in its infancy, and some of the arguments made regarding men\u2019s high suicide rate are therefore a little simplistic; for example, the argument that because men don\u2019t express their emotions that means when they have problems they commit suicide.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u2018That being said, masculine norms and expectations certainly don\u2019t help, as men are socialised away from showing vulnerability and weakness and sharing their emotions with others. They are also discouraged from the kind of close, personal, emotionally open relationships expected of women, which means they may be less likely to share with friends or family when confronted with serious issues. Add to this the fact that most services are designed around a \u2018female\u2019 model of sharing and communication, and that there is a stigma particularly around men\u2019s mental health, and it is no wonder that men may feel that they have no other option.\u2019 As one Scout put it, \u2018If you can\u2019t speak about a feeling it gets locked inside and it builds up, like tension, the more you keep it inside.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMore and more people are questioning the expectations of certain forms of masculinity. Last year, comedian Robert Webb\u2019s memoir How Not To Be A Boy shot to the top of the charts. In it he examines the potential damage of encouraging young boys to follow the supposed \u2018rules\u2019 of their gender, when these aren\u2019t suited to everyone. Growing up, Webb thought that to be a \u2018real man\u2019 he needed to get into fights, obsess over sport, never cry and not talk about feelings. It was a box he didn\u2019t fit into and it led to destructive consequences.\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Cp\u003EAmong the countless reports on the topic, the documentary The Mask You Live In interrogates versions of masculinity that box men into a role in which they\u2019re expected to suppress any sign of weakness. Expressions such as \u2018real men don\u2019t cry\u2019 or \u2018man up\u2019, which imply that men should be strong at all times, can put pressure on men to conceal the more vulnerable sides of themselves. In 2015, The Telegraph posed the question: \u2018Is \u2018man up\u2019 the most destructive phrase in modern culture?\u2019 Dr Hine believes, \u2018There are few more damaging phrases that exist in the English language. Whenever it is used, in whatever context, it reinforces the idea that to be manly is to be strong, and to suppress emotional expression.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe phrase is not only damaging to women, he explains, \u2018as it suggests that men have the monopoly on the characteristic of strength\u2019, but it also, \u2018continuously and insidiously reinforces to men that they, fundamentally, as men, must be strong and not show weakness or vulnerability of any kind. This leaves them in an extremely vulnerable position (ironically) as it does not allow for the healthy sharing and expression of emotion that is needed for good mental and physical health.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDavid also hates the expression. \u2018It has all sorts of connotations. I didn\u2019t really get to grips with this, and with my own feelings, until about 10 or 12 years ago and that was because I was ill with depression and I learned a whole new language and learned how to talk about it.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u2018So it\u2019s good to see that this generation is willing to talk about it and recognises that your wellbeing and your feelings are just as important as the strength of your arm and your ability to climb a tree.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null},{"type":"mediaBlock","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"gridImageBlock","gtmId":"gtmId","gtmClass":"gtmClass","image":"/media/2098/scout_30-270918-dc12022.jpg","width":5504,"height":8256,"altText":"","caption":"","link":null}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Ch4 style=\u0022cursor: text; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none;\u0022\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E\u003Cbr /\u003EFrom boys to men\u003C/strong\u003E\u003C/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe boys in the Group talk about their feelings willingly, but in some cases the older the boys are, the less open they seem. Dr Hine reflects on this, what he describes as the \u2018emotional spectrum that we gradually shrink for boys as they grow\u2019, explaining that, \u2018even boys as young as eight have trouble with providing words to describe their emotions, other than anger \u2013 the principal emotion that we reserve for boys, and the men they become. This fits into a bigger picture of an incredibly restrictive and damaging male gender role that boys are still socialised into.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAuthor Tim Winton, whose novels often explore the damage caused by this traditional image of masculinity, says, \u2018It\u2019s almost as though kids show up with a box of coloured pencils in infancy and as a little boy you\u2019re allowed to do a lot of things. You\u2019re allowed to do almost anything, up to a certain age, and then they start taking the pencils off you. They take yellow and red and orange off you. By the time you\u2019re 11, you\u2019re down to the blacks and the blues and the purples and by the time you\u2019re 17, it\u2019s all the dark colours \u2013 you\u2019re not allowed to do certain things. You can\u2019t kiss your father good-bye, you wouldn\u2019t hold another boy\u2019s hand. You couldn\u2019t express any softness. All the things that are actually part of being a boy and which we associate with exclusive feminine traits, they\u2019re boys\u2019 as well, they just get robbed of them.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe extent to which masculine and feminine traits are innate or socialised into us is at the centre of gender research. In Dr Hine\u2019s view, based on the current research available, \u2018whilst there are fundamental biological elements that differentiate men and women, much of the behaviour we deem as typical or appropriate for men and women, and our concepts of masculinity and femininity, is at least in part socially constructed (I would say mostly)\u2026 In infancy our neurobiology is moulded by the environment to a greater extent than any other mammal.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBecause this nature-nurture debate is an issue of ongoing research, the question of what it means to be a man today can be a contentious, sometimes divisive subject. But it\u2019s one that plays an important role in the formation of individuals\u2019 identities and mental wellbeing, as well as wider social justice. It warrants exploring in pursuit of a society where all people \u2013 across the gender spectrum \u2013 are empowered without disempowering someone else.\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null},{"type":"mediaBlock","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"gridImageBlock","gtmId":"gtmId","gtmClass":"gtmClass","image":"/media/2099/scout_30-270918-dc12017.jpg","width":5504,"height":8256,"altText":"","caption":"","link":null}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cbr /\u003EAs a movement supporting young people, we need to ensure we are supporting all young people \u2013 regardless of their sex or the gender they identify with \u2013 to think positively about feminine and masculine traits, so they can engage in the world with confidence, kindness and a deeper sense of resilience. Where being vulnerable, processing the failures that we all face, and breaking down sometimes, can feel like a natural part of life rather than the end of the world.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4 style=\u0022cursor: text; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none;\u0022\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EThe talking cure\u003C/strong\u003E\u003C/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETalking about the stress balls they\u2019d made, one Beaver says you should squeeze one when you\u2019re angry. \u2018Without a stress ball, someone might just react, fight. And I don\u2019t think that\u2019s good. I don\u2019t like fighting,\u2019 he says. You can tell when someone is angry, one Scout explains, because \u2018they go quite red\u2019, \u2018they react without thought almost. Like they have no filter\u2026 so they\u2019re not being the nicest person they can be.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ETo make himself feel less angry, one Scout tells us, \u2018I just think happy thoughts,\u2019 before another quips, \u2018Yeah, I think about anything but my sister.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe young people explain that it\u2019s not always easy to talk about feelings. \u2018If it\u2019s happiness, you can go bursting out, like, \u201CHi it\u2019s my birthday, it\u2019s my birthday!\u201D\u2019 says one, \u2018But if it\u2019s something you\u2019re sad about, it\u2019s quite hard and you just keep it to yourself. Like if you\u2019ve lost a member of the family maybe, or if your parents split up, things like that.\u2019 One Beaver says when he\u2019s feeling really sad he hides under his bed, explaining: \u2018I just go to the bottom of it and then I just calm down.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor many people, regardless of gender, talking about difficult feelings can be a challenge, but Dr Hine believes, \u2018When it comes to men and mental health, one of the principle misconceptions is that men aren\u2019t talking or that they don\u2019t want to talk. It is much more useful to say that we tell them not to talk, that we aren\u2019t listening, and that we aren\u2019t listening in a way that makes men feel comfortable sharing. For example, some of the most successful men\u2019s mental health initiatives acknowledge that men prefer to discuss their feelings whilst engaged in a joint activity with their listener.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EConsidering the research linking Scouts to mental health, perhaps there\u2019s something to this, as being a Scout offers opportunities to connect with others in an activity-based format. Andy says the A Million Hands mental health challenge has influenced the activities they do with the young people \u2013 how they build their resilience. A few weeks earlier, the Scout section had gone on a camp they called Survival Night. There was this hum of: \u2018We\u2019ve got to survive\u2026 we\u2019ve got to get through,\u2019 Andy remembers.\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe Scouts had to build their own shelters and then a thunderstorm arrived and the rain just poured in. \u2018Sleeping bags were soaked and suddenly there was this chorus of\u00A0 \u201CI want to go home\u201D\u2026 But they stayed and, you know, another sleeping bag arrived and a tent went up rather than a washed-out shelter and they spoke about their feelings and in the morning it was like: \u201CI survived!\u201D\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""},{"quoteText":"Some of the most successful men\u2019s mental health initiatives acknowledge that men prefer to discuss their feelings whilst engaged in a joint activity with their listener.","attribution":"Dr Ben Hine","gridType":"quote","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null},{"type":"singleColumn","areas":[{"items":[{"gridType":"RichTextBlock","content":"\u003Ch4 style=\u0022cursor: text; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none;\u0022\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003E\u003Cbr /\u003ESafe spaces\u003C/strong\u003E\u003C/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECreating an environment that nurtures mental wellbeing isn\u2019t about being prescriptive when it comes to talking about feelings, says David. \u2018It\u2019s more about an attitude in the room. The way people interact, the way we\u2019re willing as leaders to have them interact. We won\u2019t have bullying and we won\u2019t have racism and we won\u2019t have all sorts of things, but we try not to be too rule-based and just talk about being kind to one another. \u2018We ask \u201Chow do we deal with this situation, how do we be inclusive and encourage all people?\u201D It\u2019s not just about listening and talking about the woes and miseries and being able to talk about them. There are things we can do to look after ourselves \u2013 connecting with people, being active, taking notice when things are not going right.\u2019\u003C/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAndy says he doesn\u2019t know if the young people were \u2018necessarily making that link between being happy or sad and anxiety and depression. But they were quite open to talking about it and I think hopefully that\u2019s one of the things that carries forward and makes the difference. That we\u2019ve got a generation of young people coming through who are more open to talking about their feelings \u2013 and sooner.\u2019 \u00A0\u003C/p\u003E","gtmId":"","gtmClass":""}]}],"config":null}]},"searchDescription":null,"pageType":null,"location":null,"versionDate":"09 May 2019","reviewDate":null,"furtherReading":[],"relatedLinks":[],"id":40224,"nodeName":"Opening up","title":"Raising boys","type":"newsItem","image":{"url":"/media/2131/raising_boys_image_1-thumb.jpg?width=800\u0026height=450\u0026v=1d9becd2deab570","caption":"raising_boys_image_1-THUMB.jpg","type":"jpg","size":77324,"width":800,"height":859,"altText":""},"assets":null,"headerOptions":{"headerTitle":"Raising boys","headerSubTitle":null,"headerCta":null,"headerCtaText":null,"headerCtaLink":null,"headerBackgroundColour":null,"showSEOImage":false,"headerBackgroundImage":null,"quickLinks":null},"subHeader":"Boys have traditionally been discouraged from expressing their emotions. Meet the Scouts who decided to open up and improve their wellbeing.","browserTitle":null,"silktide":"eyJjbXMiOiJVbWJyYWNvIiwiZWRpdG9yVXJsIjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9wcm9kLWNtcy5zY291dHMub3JnLnVrLy91bWJyYWNvIy9jb250ZW50L2NvbnRlbnQvZWRpdC80MDIyNCJ9","canonicalUrl":"https://www.scouts.org.uk/news/2019/may/opening-up/"}